I've been reading from Jon Corson's book "A day's journey" lately and the chapter for the day for November the 4th was on worship. I was reading it tonight actually because sometimes I'm just too busy to read anything...
anyways the message blessed my heart and therefore I want to share it.


By Him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.
Hebrews 13:15
"i don't feel like praising the Lord", some say.'The traffic bugs me", or "the dishes are getting to me". Gang, those are the best times to praise Him - because then it's a sacrifice of praise as you worship the Lord in spite of your own fleshly inclinations.

You see, here's the deal: in my Christian walk, I find myself going though seasons...

There's springtime - when, with new understandings and fresh growth, I sense the Lord's presence in my heart. Springtime leads to summertime - those warm, wonderful days when the new growth bears fruit from which people glean. Summertime leads to fall - when the winds blow and shake the leaves off my tree. Fall leads to winter - when the fall winds give way to a cold, wintry silence. And I used to freak out in wintertime. Then I learned that if I am going to be a man who walks by faith and not by sight, I must not constantly monitor my feelings because feelings are fickle. The Lord allows you and me to go through regular seasons of wintertime, asking us, "Are you going to walk by the state of your emotions - or by the promise of My Word??

This has afforded me the privilege of being a minister if the Gospel regardless of any tragedy or heartache in my own life. Truly, if I hadn't learned the lessons of the winter season, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. But the good news is this: winter doesn't last forever. It gives way to spring.

Tonight during worship, some of you were elated, caught up in an overwhelming sense of the Lord's presence. And that's good. Others of you said: "I'm here tonight. But I don't feel anything. However, I'm still going to lift my hands and my voice in a sacrifice of praise to the One who has done so much for me in the past, to the One whose touch I know I will feel again in the future".
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Those are Jon's thoughts on worship. And I agree with most of them.
In my own life I've been through different seasons, I don't want to say that I know best what it means to be in winter, But I know it personally, I've been there for years sometimes, especially with all the depressions I"ve been through...

However where I disagree with Jon is when he eliminates the meaning of our emotions. Sometimes Christian pastors teach us ...too much about denying our emotions and "living by faith".

I believe emotions are from God. They are God given. God is an emotional being.
In my understanding emotions can't be good or bad. They just are the indicators of what is going deeper...in my very heart. Emotions are a gift from above to understand myself better and...to understand the ...nature of God.
I will never agree with any teaching that teaches us to deny emotions and "walk by faith". I believe we are..to walk by faith expressing our emotions, being honest about our emotions with ourselves and God.
We can worship God not just by raising our hands and singing joyful songs. We can worship God through tears and brokenness. We can worship God when we feel scared, when we feel sad, when we feel...rage...Because worship is something more than just singing joyful songs. Do not get me wrong here, I believe in those places in the Bible where it's said "sing joyfully to the Lord", but there are also other places in the Bible which I believe in..where it's said that God is close to him whose spirit is contrite and broken, where it's said that David cried out to God in despair, fear, dismay, anger, cursing his foes...and was called the man after God's own heart, the worshiper.

If you ask me what words I'd like to be written as my epitaph, that would be 3 words I'd desire to see there: "Worshiper of God".

I love singing songs to God, making music on the strings, dance joyfully before God. I love working with a diligent heart for I know that's glorifying God, that's an act of worship for Him, I love people, I love listening to people, helping them in any way, for that helps my express my love for God. That's an act of worship.

Here I'll tell you about the worship which is...beyond any season:

Most of all I enjoy coming over to one small Orthodox church on weekends. It's located near the market place, downtown but it's just the most quiet place I've been to lately...and you feel some Presence there when you get inside...
I love coming there when there are no people...it's just the sweet lady who sells the candles on the entrance, and me and...Somebody whose presence you can almost touch. I sit quietly there and...worship. I may cry or smile, be in silence or tell what I feel...I enjoy that place...sitting and worshiping God, looking at the candles I"ve just bought and lit...telling God my concerns and thanks, my fears and dreams...I don't know whether that's classified as any season..but that's always...honest. And every time I leave knowing ...God liked that. That was a pleasing worship that He delighted in.

Пташка над морем кричить,
кого вона кличе?
Хвиля у рiчцi шумить, за ким поспiша?
Сльози менi набiгають на очi, чому я плачу?
Як тебе можна не любить?
Серце радiэ, i пiсня бринить,
Ти - це опора, притулок i щит.
Славити буду тебе з першоi зорi,
i коли сонце сяде хай лине пiсня моя..
Ти - моя мрiя, мiй якiр, мiй берег i скеля,
не зможу я жити без тебе, надiя моя.
Лiто 2000.

Води широкi, хвиля бурхлива,
човен несе в рiзнi боки життя,
вiра жива i не гасне надiя,
берег виднiэться, вогник сiя
Вогник живильний, не дасть загубитись,
вкаже на шлях, дасть тобi протриматись..
В морi, де вiтер i хвиля бурхлива,
в морi, де шторми i вiтер i злива.
Шторми затихнуть, проясниться сонце,
хвилi уляжуться, шторм ненадовго.
Вогник пильнуй свiй, бо вiд тебе залежить - сяэ чи гасне,
живить чи бентежить.
Море життя, де змагаються хвилi,...
човник пливе твiй, а берег вже видно.
13.12.2000

Yesterday during the church service as the pastor was preaching on Acts 8, he made this comment about angeles.
He said that sometimes angles appear to people as the heavenly glorious creatures and sometimes they appear as people...

I want to share one story that happened to me two years ago in Odessa.
I was having a really hard time in my life then, was jobless, had a law suit against the company where I was illegally fired and was really alone back then in Kiev...

A friend of mine invited me to come to Odessa to spend a week-end, he knew my love for sea and my passion for good coffee places and artsy people which are not a rare thing in Odessa...

So I took Carlos :) and off we went. My friend Ruslan rented an apartment for me downtown in Odessa 10 minutes walk from the sea and paid the landlady just for two days since I planned to stay there for the week-end, he new my financial difficulties at that time so he suggested to buy me a train ticket home as well.
Sunday night we were supposed to go out to dance with Ruslan, he called and said he was on his way to pick me up. I made coffee :) and decided to take a nap while waiting for him. To my great surprise when I woke up it was already morning and my friend didn't show up or made any attempts to call me..His phone did not answer and after not being able to reach him at the end of the day I started worrying..
My friend was a junior marine officer and my landlady said that sometimes it happens that this kind of guys can get a phone call from their captain and have to be ready to be on board of their ship within half an hour...so she said I needn't to worry and just wait...
I had different thoughts about that..I knew Ruslan was a "fast"driver (i loved his cherry Volvo :) too!) so I thought there might have been an accident or something...
Anyways, I decided to stay for more couple days and wait..
Since I hadn't any money to pay the landlady and to buy myself a ticket home..all I could do was to wait for Ruslan and the landlady agreed to let me stay for couple more days..on condition that I will reimburse my extra-stay when Ruslan shows up...
On one night I went for a walk.
Odessa is a beautiful place and it's especially beautiful in spring (it was beginning of May). Not far from the port there's a funiculor (type of an elevator that takes you down and then takes you up and allows visitors to see the port of Odessa really close). Since it was free of charge :) I decided to try it. To my great dismay when I entered the elevator a bunch of noisy guys rolled into. It's a big elevator that can fit 12 people so there was enough of extra space...the guys were friendly and acted gentlemanly..and since this "excursion" lasted about ten minutes we had enough time to get acquainted. When we left the elevator, the gang divided, two guys suggested to walk me home since it was really dark by that time.
Then one guy got a phone call and had to leave and another guy stayed to walk me home.
His name was Vitaliy and I was puzzled because he strongly reminded me one my old good friend I had in college who was like a "spiritual father" to me.
Vitaliy told me very little about himself as we walked and listened to me attentively instead as I was telling him about all the troubles in life I had at that time...
He was 33 years old and was from Moldova where he worked...as a professional bodyguard for the main banker from the largest bank in Moldova. He said that his brother was a bodyguard as well.
I tell you I felt really protected as we walked home :). When we came to the apartment I lived in he gave me a beautiful daisy which he just picked at the nearby flower bed (i didn't tell him yet that i love orchids! :) but it was really sweet)..
The next day my landlady kicked me off..Ruslan didn't show up...I decided to take Carlos and earn some money by playing and singing since I didn't have enough even for a ticket home...
As I was sitting on the beach and playing guitar I got a phone call from a friend from Kiev, who encouraged me in the Lord..then I remembered that I had one other friend in Odessa..I called him and told I needed to buy a ticket home, since he worked till late he asked me to wait till the evening..
He came earlier that that, gave me enough money to buy 5 tickets :) (He's just a great man..and he loves God), since he had to leave but didn't want to leave me alone he asked if I had anybody to walk me to the railway station..then I remembered we agreed to meet for coffee with Vitaliy that night...My friend waited until Vitaliy showed up, "handed me over" to him and left. Vitaliy was not a Stalone type of bodyguard, he rather looked more like...Kevin Costner :)..but he didn't allow me to carry any of my stuff, so with Carlos on his back and all my packings in his both hands he suggested to take a walk to the railway station. When we finally came there it was around 9 p.m. and we found out that the earliest train to Kiev was at 9a.m. the next day..The first bus to Odessa (which gets you to Kiev only for 6 hours instead of 11 hours in train) was in 6 a.m.
We walked the whole night. The warm beautiful May night. Vitaly carried all my stuff not allowing me to take even my big handbag..
At 5.00. a.m. we were at the bus station. I bought a ticket we were about to have the first morning cup of coffee when Vitaliy said he needed to go to WC. He touched my hand for the first time and there was some special kindness and warmth in his look and went for as I suggested would take not more than 15 minutes.
After half an hour he didn't show up.
There was no chance I could not see him leaving the WC since all it's visitors had inevitably to pass the raws of benches where the passengers were sitting. His phone didn't answer. There was NO chance I would go into the men's WC to check if he was there but I asked the man who just went in to check it for me. He said there was no-one there.
As I was getting on a bus I couldn't speak. I saw the window of a men's WC was wide open, it was rather small and almost within 2 meters from the land but a professional bodyguard could use it as ...a door for sure.
But why would he do that?? Moreover I've just told him about Ruslan who disappeared..(later I've found out that Ruslan was just...too drunk for 3 days to show up..)why would he do that to me? He was a totally different person, we talked the whole night, he was like from a completely different world of expensive cars, professional weapons, rich people who wanted to have their lives protected and whom...he despised. He said he was having a month off in Odessa and thinking to leave the job...and do something else...the last thing he told me before going to WC was that he realized that he really missed his job, as he was safeguarding me the whole night making sure I would not get scared even by a cat who would run across the road at night, he said he wanted to be back.
I tried calling him when I was in Kiev his phone didn't answer.
Angel it was or just a super professional bodyguard who when sensing that I was in safety and needed him no more left to protect somebody else...I don't know...But I cry as I am typing this now because I never even got a chance to thank him enough for being my Angel-Keeper.